Jokes of the day...

[Tanadil]

Subject: Fw: Why Math is taught in school.

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right
in
front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder
to
avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his
window and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female
does
anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the
bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982
cars
every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every
day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or
unrewarding. That's 449.

According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that Every Single
Day,
I
drive past at least ONE female that has a lousy love life, thinks men
are
her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has
PMS,
and is armed.

Flip one off? ...... I think not.

====================================================================





Three words..... NOT STABLE PEOPLE




here is another joke i got today at work...


A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Larinika]

HEY!!!! i resemble that remark! You can't say I ever get PMS'y???? Why I'm shocked!!!
_________________
Nicolett Lvl 56 Fury
Lvl 41 Provisioner
Larinika Lvl 21 Shadowknight

[Vanuth]

Lol that was great...someone sent me this the other day, thought it was pretty funny...

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad"
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter
with trembling hands:
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and
you.
I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice - even with
all her piercing's, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant, and Joan said that we
will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much
older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of
firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me
and that's now one of my dreams too.
Joan taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be
growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the Cocaine
and Ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find
a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.
Your son,
Pete
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is
safe for me to come home.
_________________

[Mike]

both of those are classics...still laughing

[Buchalter]

One day a little boy was playing in the kitchen while his mother was doing the dishes. The boy was getting underfoot, so his mother told him, "Why don't you go across the street and watch those men who are working at that construction site. Maybe you might learn something new."

The boy left to go watch the construction workers. Later that afternoon his mother called him home for supper. The mother asked, "Did you learn anything new watching the construction men today?"

"Sure did, Mom. Payday's on Friday, sh!t goes downhill, and the Bossman's a SOB!"

Mortified, the mother tells the boy, "Young man, you march into the other room and tell your father what you just told me."

The boy goes into the next room where his father is reading the paper. His father looks up and says, "Yes son?"

The boy looks his father in the eye and says, "Dad, payday's on Friday, sh!t goes downhill, and the Bossman's a SOB!"

Angry, his father yells at the boy, "Young man, you go out in the yard and get me a switch right now!"

"F You, Dad!" the boy replies, "That's an electrician's job!"

[Tanadil]

NICE!
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Mike]

Dateline texas...it has been reported that over the weekend president bush had a fire at his home in texas. His library was destroyed....all two of his books. A spokesman says president bush is very upset and sad about the books he loved so much...he was almost done coloring the second one.

[Tanadil]

_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!