The next set of funnies!

[Tanadil]

I am LDS also, but i feel that one needs to laugh at oneself to truly know and appreciate life! so here is some funnies about US!

ps. This is also to make light and have fun please dont post anything that may seem destructive and demeaning....just have fun and laugh!



>
>There's a Mormon by Jeff Foxworthy:
>
>
>This is to all of you that may be a Mormon, that may know a Mormon,
>that
>may live in Utah, that may have lived in Utah or have heard about
>Mormons.
>
>If all your dishes have your name written on them with masking
>tape...You might be a Mormon.
>If you postdate your checks while shopping on Sunday... You might
>be a Mormon.
>If you believe Heck is the place for people who do not believe in
>gosh... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If your Mom was pregnant at your sister's wedding reception.. You
>might be a Mormon.
>
>If you pray that your food might "nourish and strengthen your body"
>before eating doughnuts... You might be a Mormon...
>
>If you think Jell-O is one of the basic food groups...You might be a
>Mormon..
>
>If at least one of your salad bowls is at a neighbor's house... You
>might be a Mormon.
>
>If you've ever written a "Dear-John" to more than two missionaries
>on the same day.... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If you were frustrated when your son "only" got accepted to
>Harvard... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If you have one kid in diapers and one on a mission... You might be
>a Mormon.
>
>If you have never arrived at a meeting on time... You might be a
>Mormon.
>
>If you have more wheat stored in your basement than most third world
>countries... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If you've already got your order in for volume 50 of "The Work and
>The Glory"... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If you think it is all right to watch football on Sundays as long as
>a direct descendant of Brigham
>Young is playing... You might be a Mormon.
>
>If you have to guess more than five times the name of the child
>you're disciplining... You might
>be Mormon.
>
>If you automatically assume that BYOB means, Bring Your Own
>Burgers... You might be Mormon.
>
>If you go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi.. You
>might be a Mormon.
>
>If you arrive to an activity an hour late and are the first person
>there... You might be a
>Mormon.
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Larinika]

[Renvik]

If you believe Jeff Foxworthy wrote these, you might be a mormon! Hehe funny stuff. I know Mike is sitting there saying 'I don't get it.'
_________________

[Mike]

You are right I dont get em, but I will post some that I do...
_________________

[Beau]

I'm not really an LDS, but I did grow up in Central Utah...heh, that sounds like one of those Holliday Inn Express commercials. Anyhoo...I'm sure a lot has changed in the last 30+ years, but as a kid during that time, these would have applied to Foxworthy's skit.

-- If your 5th Grade field trip was to the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake City to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir; you might be a Mormon.
(true storyÂ?in fact, our entire 5th Grade history class was Mormon History. We made little Conestoga wagons and filled them with little bags of flour, spices, ectÂ? and created artwork depicting different landscapes and scenes along the trail to create a mural around the whole classroom. We then drew chits to see who would be wagon masters, hunters, etcÂ? and moved our wagons around the classroom recreating the trip from Missouri to Salt Lake during that school year.)

-- If a different Â?MomÂ? picks up your best friend each day after school; you might be friends with a Mormon.
(true story againÂ?there was a polygamist colony just outside of town and my good friend Levi had 5 Â?mothersÂ?. Most of the time they rotated who came into town to shop and pick him and his 14 brothers and sisters.)

[Tanadil]

OH MY HELL! that is sooo funny Beau. Sadly some teachers still try to do some of these things in Elementary schools! I remember something like that in my first year of junior high! sad....sad....just plain sad.

Actually many things have changed and many things have advanced but still the same. hehe

Utah is growing extremely fast and is becoming a more fun and interesting place to be. We still love it! Altho there is a couple families still here that are a little scary....one actually is a few blocks away.....he is a really dark character....goes by Ratbart....and then there are THOSE people from Provo....dont get 'em at all...they play this really weird exercise game with dancing involved on the PS2!
Altho I am totally hooked on it now too......DOH love you guys Ren and Kaer
Hehe
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Tanadil]

blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would
like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the
salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big
baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before
she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this
TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied. A blonde walks into a
pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't
sell rectum deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying
the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"

'But I always buy it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist

"YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who
looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm
deodorant"

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud
from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."



Subject: Not so dumb blonde

I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from
The ceiling. Just then one of my co-workers (she's blonde ... it'll be
Important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, " I'm a light bulb -- I'm acting crazy to get a few days
off, as there is an out of town wedding I need to go to until Tuesday." A
Minute later the boss walked by and asked me what I was doing. "I'm a light
bulb!" I exclaimed. "You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off, and come back when
you are less stressed." With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My co-worker started
following me and the boss asked where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Tanadil]

Subject: Little Johnny strikes again!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
Started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks he's stupid, stand up." After
A few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think
You're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
Her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"
said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
Police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bullet in board of the 10
Most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked
if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman.
"The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why
didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
His father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
You doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have
To make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy
Mom."




This is without question, the best lawyer story so far for 2005.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea"

And the lawyer says, So... if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd ever give any to you?"
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!