Tanadil
Joined: 23 Jun 2004
Posts: 445
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 Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 10:17 am Post subject: I like jokes... |
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"Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain!"
Homer J. Simpson
This joke is nothing new to anyone so no worries there, but its sure good for a laugh...
Have a great weekend!
International Rules of Manhood
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
2. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ...and it's
free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.
20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except
if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:i.e. Both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.Hang up if
necessary.
24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a
big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.
26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange
or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with
"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN! |
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