JOKE TIME!

[Tanadil]

> > WOMEN'S REVENGE

> > "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding

> > items the woman

> > wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I

> > noticed a remote control for a television set in her

> > purse.

> > "So, do you always carry your TV remote?"I asked.

> > "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come

> > shopping with

> > me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I

> > could do to him legally."

> >

> >

> > UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

> > ( A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

> > I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never

> > understand how you can take boiling hot wax pour it

> > onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

> > and still be afraid of a spider.

> >

> >

> > MARRIAGE SEMINAR

> > While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with

> > communication, Tom

> > and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It

> > is essential that

> > husbands and wives know the things that are

> > important to each other."

> > He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's

> > favorite flower?"

> > Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and

> > whispered,

> > "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

> > The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop

> > right there.

> >

> >

> > CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

> > A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down

> > the aisles.

> > The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can

> > help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of

> > tampons for his wife. She directs him down the

> > correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a

> > huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the

> > counter.

> > She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking

> > for some tampons for your wife?

> > He answers, " You see, it's like this . Yesterday, I

> > sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of

> > cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

> > and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo

> > much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own

> > ............ so does she."

> > (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

> >

> >

> > WIFE VS. HUSBAND

> > A couple drove down a country road for several

> > miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had

> > led to an argument and neither of them

> > wanted to concede their position As they passed a

> > barnyard of mules,

> > goats, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,

> > "Relatives of yours?"

> > "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

> >

> >

> > WORDS

> > A husband read an article to his wife about how many

> > words women

> > use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

> > The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we

> > have to repeat

> > everything to men...

> > The husband then turned to his wife and asked,

> > "What?"

> >

> >

> > CREATION

> > A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how

> > you can be so stupid

> > and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife

> > responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me

> > beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made

> > me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

> >

> >

> > WHO DOES WHAT

> > A man and his wife were having an argument about who

> > should brew

> > the coffee each morning.

> > The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up

> > first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get

> > our coffee."

> > The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking

> > around here and you

> > should do it, because that is your job, and I can

> > just wait for my coffee."

> > Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it

> > is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

> > Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

> > So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New

> > Testament and showed

> > him at the top of several pages, that it indeed

> > says.......... "HEBREWS"

> >
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Mike]

Oh man the seminar one was too funny...cant wait to tell that one to the wife and hear her "woman's view" comment about it.

[Erwin]

What's the best thing about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

[Buchalter]

That's what I love about Erwin... disappears for months, then just shows up, drops a one-liner, and slips back into the shadows!

Hope life's treating ya well, Erwin. You always were pretty cool... for an Assling!

[Tanadil]

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual
to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he
found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the
four
in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of
them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference
room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know
of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A
THOUGHT. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on
the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."


"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?"
he asked the second man.

"Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know
that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."


"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a
very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply. "Well,
out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and
thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he
said.


Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
same
question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers,
It's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."


"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit in my pants.

Old Bubba is the new "Greeter" at the Lake Ellsinore Wal-Mart
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Erwin]

[Kaerai]

As always E I can only hope to see your pair of little hairy feet running around EQ2 someday....
_________________

[Buchalter]

I know I'll never see Erwin in WoW... they don't have any Halflings!

Glad to here things are going well for you, E. Funny thing is, I've been gone from EQ for almost a year now, and I do miss it from time to time. Sometimes I get a little nostalgic for my old Ranger. If I didn't have to pay to reactivate the account, I'd probably log on from time to time just to see people and say "hi."

Ah Well, those were the good old days!

[Tanadil]

BORN TO SELL
> >
> > A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big mega-
> > department store looking for a job.
> >
> > The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says,
> > "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
> >
> > Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You can start
> > tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
> >
> > His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
> > store was locked up, the boss came down.
> >
> > "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.
> >
> > The kid says, "One."
> >
> > The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a
> > day.
> >
> > How much was the sale for?"
> >
> > The kid says, $101,237.64."
> >
> > The boss says, $101,23764? What the hell did you sell?"
> >
> > The kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
> > medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold
> > him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing
> > and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a
> > boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that
> > twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda
> > Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department
> > and sold him that 4 x 4 Blazer."
> >
> > The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold
> > him a boat and truck?"
> >
> > The kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his
> > wife and I said, "Well, your weekend's shot -- you might as well go
> > fishing."
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Tanadil]

double posted sorry!
_________________
Tanadel Talonleaf - Great Grandchild of Tanadil Truecaller of EQ1---lvl 54 Ranja
Luthyien - lvl 23 cleric (wishes could be a Fury)
Anyone want a slice of /Pizza Click to enter and WIN!

[Mike]

LMAO
_________________